How hard is it for a person to change? Depends on what level the person has to work.

The easiest level of change is a change in “style”. Style refers to a person’s habitual response to a situation, the response that is the most comfortable, takes the least energy and thought. Most people can quickly adapt their behavior once they see that they are not getting the result they want. Frequently, workplace conflicts or needs for change simply involve a mismatch between two people’s styles. A change in style simply requires the person to be more thoughtful and aware — more mindful — in the situations so they can consciously choose their behavior rather than just react.

The next level of change below style usually involves “skill” gaps. In the workplace where people believe their success depends on their competence, they may hide the holes in their knowledge or skill. They may sometimes get stuck in proving their approach is “right”, even when it may be ineffective or inappropriate. This may be because the person has never been formally taught a skill, or has modeled a behavior from someone else without understanding the theory or thought process behind that behavior.

It may take time for a person to learn a new skill or behavior. It may be uncomfortable to “learn on the job” or display expertise and comfort that have to build over time. A person’s willingness to undertake skill development may depend on their confidence or past success with learning something new. However, giving or responding to feedback about the need to broaden skills is common, if not always comfortable, in the workplace.

However, sometimes the change required involves a deeper issue. Most of us have areas where our past experience has left us “bruised” — perhaps overly sensitive, reactive, likely to respond out or proportion to what is actually happening. The challenge with confronting change at this level is that it requires some confrontation with a psychological defense. The person may have a blind spot and not actually be able to see or respond appropriately to the person or situation. They may have developed a belief about what behavior is “the right response” to the threat that they feel. There may be fear involved, a belief that they will not be able to come out of the situation well without a certain approach.

Confronting the need for change at this level can engender emotion. It may take time for the person to understand and acceot the need for change, and then to override their automatic emotional response. Frequently, employers are reluctant to address change at this level — however, it may be necessary for the individual to do this work to achieve at their highest level.

As a manager, you can benefit from knowing how to recognize and give employees feedback about the need for a deeper level of change. While you may not be comfortable — and it may not be appropriate — working through the cause of the issue with the employee, you can provide feedback on how you see the behavior demonstrated, You can suggest that the employee find the appropriate resource (a coach or therapist) who is comfortable working at this level. You can acknowledge progress and provide encouragement for the work it requires to take on this kind of change. And you can certainly benefit from a more productive, effective employee after the change work has been done.