Acceptance — I used to hate that word. For me it seemed to mean being a passive victim, letting life happen TO you. That is one of the reasons I was drawn to work with start ups — those were people who were willing to take on the hard challenges, to fight for what they wanted, to do the things others thought were impossible.

In recent years I personally have had cause to look back at all the times I “fought” and wonder — was I really just prolonging the pain? Was there a clear, easier path to getting what I wanted but it required me to do or face something I wasn’t ready to? Did getting what I want actually take LONGER because I fought to do it “my way”?

I have begun to see the same issue with my clients. These are really smart people, and most of the time at least someone in the organization has seen what I see when I come in to help. It seems like it should be an easy fix — share the observations, suggest some actions, fix the problem, move on.

But it is seldom that easy. Usually I have to fight first the CEO’s tendency to deny what I see. Especially in most cases where the CEO (and the VP’s and the Board members) are high Dominance, they are very used to moving into a right/wrong battle — and they need to be the one that is right. If it wasn’t so serious it would be funny to think they really believe I stayed up all night trying to think of the problem that would most piss them off (and that there was no evidence of). We have to argue about what the problem is, what the root cause really is, why the fix I suggest won’t work….etc.

When I probe below the initial resistance I find…fear. That someone will think the CEO was wrong, or doesn’t know what he is doing, or that he made a mistake. Or he (or she) is worried about looking weak or unfit for the job. Or maybe my “fix” requires the CEO to do something uncomfortable, or scary. So it is easier to think I am wrong than to face any of these deeper fears…even if that means the company continues to struggle.

That’s what I mean about acceptance. Jon Kabat Zinn says ” We so often attempt to force things to be a certain way, “my way”, without regard for the ‘violence’ that such a break in the rhythm of things carries with it”. Ignoring a problem, calling it something else, doesn’t make it go away. Usually to any outside observer, the problem is common, no big deal, nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing that will kill the company…unless it is ignored.

So I am trying to practice an acceptance than means “seeing what IS”, recognizing the true state of things and moving through my reaction to focus on what can be done to solve it. And trying to teach my clients that acceptance can be a strength.