In a book I was reading this weekend, the author described someone as “fleeing the pain of powerlessness… taking flight to the illusion of dominance”.

It made me think about how often I see clients taking flight — to the illusion of strength, Or control. Or not needing help. Or knowing all the answers.

It makes me sad…first of all, because it reinforces how shameful it is in our business culture to need help or advice or to not know something. So given a choice between asking for help or staying stuck but looking like they aren’t…people choose illusion.

It also makes me sad to think about all the energy that goes into maintaining that illusion. You can’t think or talk about solutions…because that implies there is a problem. You can’t listen to other people’s feelings or observations or ideas…because that would imply you don’t already know the answer. You can’t connect with others or get or give support…because that would imply you need support. So all the energy goes into denial, into staying stuck exactly where you are.

And the prognosis is bad. We’ve all seen people who are putting their energy into maintaining their illusion. They are agitated and aggressive and argumentative and resistant. And soon everyone around them loses interest and willingness to keep trying to break down the walls.

The saddest part is that usually the problem they are denying isn’t that awful. It’s usually nothing that isn’t solvable, that doesn’t happen to many other companies or individuals. Sure, it might take doing something new or uncomfortable. It might take listening to another point of view or telling someone the truth or saying “sorry” or “I was wrong”. But then you get to move on and start putting energy into something positive…and watch things get better.

So next time you get the urge to flee…ask yourself whether this time you want to achieve more than illusion.