Are you a “to do” list person? Do you feel better once you have a plan and a timeline and a set of “deliverables”?

Many of us do. Business, in general, is biased towards having and managing against a plan. Certainly, in order to align a team or a company, it is important to have a common understanding of who is going to do what when.

I, myself, am in “to do list recovery”. I realized that I was addicted to having a plan. I got nervous when I didn’t know what I was going to do about a situation in my life. I felt guilty when I approached a day without a concrete list of what I wanted to get done. I loved those “flashes of brilliance” that sometimes came to me out of the blue…but hated not knowing whether one would come the next time I needed one.

Sure, I studied Buddhism. I read about “being in the moment”. I talked about “trusting” that if I relaxed my mind, the “knowing” would come. And as I tried to sit in meditation, I was already thinking about what was next on my to do list.

However, recently I have been forced to surrender to the unknown. I have gotten to know the emptiness that comes from having a problem without a solution, a desire without a plan to achieve it. And I am beginning to realize that, in order to be inspired, it is first necessary to be empty. And to sit in that emptiness, in the fear of not knowing, and be willing to face whatever comes up. Even if what comes up is the fear that if you just leave life to it’s own devices, it won’t work out in your favor — if you don’t “struggle” and “dominate” and “make something happen” that nothing will. My friend Kathy calls that “waiting to be inspired” rather than doing just because it feels better to do.

And sometimes, it doesn’t come right away. Sometimes you have to face emptiness and fear and a sense of not being smart enough. Sometimes you have to accept that you don’t know how to get from here to there…even though you want to.

Eventually, you relax. You stop being so invested in the outcome and start being able to pay more attention to the process. Sometimes the process leads in interesting directions and to valuable insights. Sometimes there are emotions to feel and resistances to confront. Sometimes you get so involved in the journey that you forget what the goal was…

Until you suddenly realize that you got to where you wanted to be…without a plan or a timeline or a list of actions.